I Am The Last Of Priests
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The question is, do the dead still have friends when they return? Or are those bonds severed with ones life?
Sunday, November 11, 2007
1. Why do I want to quit school?
One of the reasons is that I am tired of trying and failing. Contrary to popular belief, I do try, I do study, and I do my homework, yet I am still lucky to pull a D on a test. Technically a D is considered a passing grade, but it’s not good enough for me.
I guess I was a bit afraid of my environment, there were a few too many African Americans there that made me feel uncomfortable, and it bothers me that there isn’t too much I could do about it.
I was bored and I got frustrated easily when something troubled me, and I continued to push myself until I had to get away from my homework problems.
Yes I am lonely. The only friend I can truly rely on in a time of need is here, as well as not having any communication with my other friends who are like a family to me. I had nobody when I was troubled or just needed someone to talk to me for a few minutes.
My roommates are all great guys, but they were at the bar every night from about 7 pm till 3 am, and most of my friends never got around to giving me there phone numbers. Of course I was upset when you took away my PC. Having to work in an overheated, crowded room with Africans acting extremely stereotypically is not my ideal homework environment, not to mention the bulk of my homework was all due online. I also had very limited access to my music, yes some of it was burned to CD’s but the only way I could listen to it was with headphones at night while trying to cover the screens blue light that it emitted. Hearing one song triggers the desire to hear another song, so I would have to look for the next specific CD and it was just a huge inconvenience instead of being relaxing.
2. What is my plan in life from here on out?
First and foremost, my college debts need to be paid as soon as possible. I owe EMU $2750 and Sallie Mae $7500. I can pay EMU $280 a month until it is paid off and I believe I can pay Sallie Mae about the same. Working at Manhattan part time for the first month or so will be enough to pay the $280, and by the 6th month I should have enough in stored in the bank to pay EMU off so I can concentrate only on the Sallie Mae.
I do know how much it costs to live on my own per month, I lived in an apartment for a few months and it wasn’t easy alone. To solve that problem I will just get a roommate.
3. What do I expect from you?
First, I would like to not be compared to Michael. The biggest thing that’s been picking away at me is what you said about credit cards. When you asked me if I had any, my answer was along the lines of “No, you said we could not have any” and your response was how Mike did it and got away with it.
If and or when I move out, I would like the use of one of your trucks for moving.
I would also like possession of my dresser, my bed (the one Krissy is currently sleeping on) and if I do not own a computer by then, to work out a payment plan to buy the computer I used to have. $50 dollars a month for the use and administrative rights to my computer would be a lot easier on me then having to save probably $1000 to buy one. Other then that just being civil and reasonable would be more then enough to ask of you.
Honestly, I feel this family works better without me being in it, or at least not a very active participant of it. The first chance I get to leave I will be doing so. Whether I was living away at college or at my apartment, Mike and Krissy seem to get along together better with out me, and less fighting in the house is a good thing for there is less anger and stress as well.
I understand that it is embarrassing for all of you having a failure living among you, but College was not working out for me. On average I have to retake something like one quarter of my classes, right? That’s just a bad investment, and even though I may be said investment, I still can see the signs.
I have always been the butt of every joke in this house, and usually the one punished the most in my honest opinion, to be made an example of for the others maybe, this is all fair I guess.
Right now I have one goal for my life. It is not to finish college, or rise to the top of some company or anything like that. I merely wish to be happy. It looks funny when I read over it, but I really do not think I will be able to be happy while I am living here. If I find I am not happy in the real world, then it will be no ones fault but my own but I am perfectly fine with taking that chance.
I am sorry it has come down to this, but I guess on a deeper level I just do not feel secure anymore. I know no matter where I go and what I do I can make something of myself, there will always be people I don’t get along with, as well as rules that cage my being no matter which way I turn. All of these are factors that are out of my grasp to change. Then again, nobody ever said it would be easy. When I am ready to move out I will give you a one week notice.
Ill keep you updated on what responses we get from such.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
It is with a heavy heart I dismember my loyal Computer, Mahado.
He has served me over a year without problem, yet thanks to the brother he has not the ability to keep my information and files safe anymore.
Until I have the means to keep him up and running without a piece of shit brother scheming ways in which to make life more miserable, he shall be placed in a safe place, unknown to the brother, i pray.
Take care old freind, until I need your services again.
To all of my loyal subjects, servants, and minions:
I dont know what to say, other then all the things ive said before, time and time again.
I continue to breathe, and no its not a good thing.
No computer. More drama caused by the brother.
He deleted half of the files of World of Warcraft and set that day as a system restore check point. then continued to uninstall it completely.
I was mad it was uninstalled and bitched him out, and he told me system restore, then laughed at me when the damage to the game was too severe to be fixed.
As soon as i have the means, ill be leaving this place, the sooner the better. yet for now, banking cash is the best option, maybe work for a year or so, buy a new/used car and take things to the road.
anyways. i grow bored sitting a computer without my World of Warcraft. till next time.
For The Alliance!
Friday, October 12, 2007
1:52AM - Some days....
Some.....no, Most Days, I wish I was allowed suicide in my religious beliefs.
Life without a computer at my side is worse then hell. Most of my assignments are done online, not to mention reviews and practice tests as well as powerpoint slides. Those in the college setting today know what Im talking about.
I asked my father for my computer back. I miss being in contact with my freinds, i miss my games, my videos, my music, and i hate being inconvienced and having to take time out of my day to go and do my homework in an overcrowded overheated crappy area full of racial stereotypes.
he responded with this email
( Read more...Collapse )
Im looking into a new job that will pay me something like $15-$25k a year, as well as providing room and board. I am so sick of this i am going to take the first oppurtunity they provide me with. I dont fuckin care anymore. as soon as ive got the job i am putting college on hold, its only a 3 year job (maximum) and college can wait while i work to fund my remaining time there.
anyways, just keeping you all updated. not that it matters. im out.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
keep pushing world. go ahead. keep pushing me when im at the point of breaking. see what happens.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
So, i think i found the place that i actually want to work.
you get to meet interesting people daily, test out and get familiar with the merchandise, and help others with my vast knowledge on the subject matter.
today i applied at an adult novelty store.
the manager told me id have to know which porn stars are workin for which production companies and so on, so i told her id dedicate every night i had to educating myself on these porn stars and there work.
so much fun itll be workin there, i have to call back by tuesday if the district manager hasnt called me yet, but i have a good feelin about this place.
if i get the job....do i, or dont i, tell my parents.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
another night i spend without you by my side....
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Deathnote is UN-frickin-BELIEVABLE.
I fuckin love it.
only up to episode 10, but omg. wow. just fuckin wow.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
2:54AM - No escape.
Ya know, I am trying. I am doing all that I can to keep it together. I have been under a bit of stress. not so much of which is from school and or finals, but its tying in at just the right time for me to blame it on all of this.
Im depressed. I know im in trouble, when the depression is strong enough, I can sleep continuously. I slept about 12 hours today, as opposed to my average 4 if im lucky.
So ive tried to move on from her. I understand she doesnt feel for me as i do, its cool....ish. but for some reason, i cant escape her or thoughts involving her. we havent spoken properly in about 3 months.
I guess im a bit scared of her. Summer is here, and im hoping she doesnt come home for vacation. If she does, a confrontation will be in order and im not sure how well Im going to deal with that.
in other news, an acquantice of mine was suprised to see me alive tonight. im not gonna say why he was suprised, but i was honored it was me he thought had done it.
Monday, April 16, 2007
I don't make jokes because they're funny, I do it to get by. I distance myself from reality through the jokes so it doesn't hit as hard as it should.
Surviving takes the most energy of all day to day activities. My music takes me to that place where I am untouchable by anyone, where I am alone.
The bass lays the background of the landscape, the melodies add in the color to that background, and the vocals add in the weather and setting of it all. From there on the world changes from song to song, as does the plot of the story it paints in my head.
I'd rather be anywhere but here. Lord take me whenever you see fit, I have long been ready to depart this hellish life.
Your one, only, and last,
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
'I know the rage that drives you... that impossible anger strangling your grief until the memory of your loved one is just poison in your veins. And one day you catch yourself wishing the person you loved had never existed so you'd be spared your pain.'
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
His name will be Sorata.
Or maybe Byakuya.
I am a fuckin genius.
That is all.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Ben and Jerrys made my night good, but the fact that my new computer is waiting at home made it better. 3 more days. one of which i have a test on, but who fuckin cares, 3 days until i can be back on World of warcraft bitches!
Friday, February 16, 2007
I finally found out what her name is; Michele. Her mother is Japanese, and her father is American. I am currently having a new friend get me some more information, seeing that she knows her personally. Mayhaps if Michele is single, I can get a good word put in for yours truly. Of course, none of this is written in stone, but nothing wrong with keeping ones options open.
When Starla asked me why I liked this Michele, I said her personality seemed to be of a quiet, conservative nature, well kept and very attractive = dream girl. Starla was very impressed, for thats describing her relatively well without actually ever speaking with her. Starla was even more excited that I was asking her to do more research for me before I was to just barge in and ask her out. Apparently thats not as creepy as I had always thought, she said its more of a considerate nature.
I am not expecting results from Starla immediately, but the potential information intrigues me.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
8:59PM - I hope you're ok.
We've gone time to time without talking, but for some reason I have a bad feeling as of late. I've become so used to you being online every night and keeping me company, now when you're not it makes me worry. I don't need to talk to you, everything has already been said, just seeing you get online means you got home safe that night. Watch over her lord.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Alright, so i learned something important about me recently. I am a social eater. When i hear or see other people eating, it makes me hungry. i blame my roommate. XD but knowing is half the battle.
i need my bass, I hear this song in my head. i think its my theme song. i need to play it XD
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Saturday, February 10, 2007
12:44PM - who the fuck is this clown?
so, check this out.
i go to sleep, and then this fuckin little kid leaves me messages.
William Batley: Your friend was a fool for putting up your AIM name on a YTMND.
William Batley: I am from YTMND.
William Batley: I will not stalk you.
William Batley: I WILL HAUNT YOU.
William Batley: WE ARE YTMND.
William Batley: WE ARE LEGION.
William Batley: WE ARE UNFORGIVING.
Look, Billy, if youre from YTMND, do something about it. Threats of "haunting" me and using caps lock does not scare me. Dumbass.
Lord, If I can only have her in my dreams, then let me sleep for all of Eternity.
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